Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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