Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize