What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
