he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
