She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just sent this text using only my big toe
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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