living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
