A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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