I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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