You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
