Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
