I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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