So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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