Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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