He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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