Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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