If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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