Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i need some magic done to my vagina
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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