Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
