Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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