She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize