She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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