After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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