If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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