My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is wine microwaveable?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize