My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
