A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
