having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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