i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
