Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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