I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
