Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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