The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
