ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think people are normalizing furries
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
