But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
