my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
