It was confusing and full of hummus
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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