dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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