Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
