I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
