I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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