he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
