I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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