its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
