my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
