Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You smell like stripper and shame
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
