youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
