dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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