Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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