I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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