I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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