Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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