He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
