Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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