I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
