I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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