my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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