Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize