i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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