Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think your dad took our porno
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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