NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
