My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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