the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
