A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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