I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
