how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize