He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just want nice things and good sex
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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