Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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