Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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